The Book of My Life

written in response to Shafali’s Creativity Carnival picture below

Let’s flip back to (p)age sixteen. How innocent that face is, peering out from the pages, wondering what her story will hold. She signs her letters with peace signs, hearts and stick figure seagulls. She clings to a belief that these would be attainable goals. She is a good listener and a loyal friend. She has a thirst for adventure and a willingness to open her heart and soul to all of the possibilities that lay in front of her.

Now let’s turn to (p)age 27 and you will meet a fiery creature. Her hair is dyed red to match her nature. She stands with her shoulders square and her chin jutting forward bracing herself against the turbulent times of her life. She tells no one of her inner struggle. She holds her emotions in until they boil and bubble over the surface. They erupt out of her mouth in the form of snark replies and vicious remarks. Tongue lashings from her are venomous and can leave with you scars;welts that are poisonous and have the ability to degrade your confidence and self-esteem.

Now let’s pick up that bookmark and place it here, to (p)age 35. I have obtained some peace, a whole lot of love and an exponential amount of freedom. I start my days by sucking in the air around me and embracing the things around me. I seek solace in the comforting arms of my husband and my family. That being said, I still have trouble communicating. I do not erupt, as often. My negative remarks present themselves during times of self-analysis. I am often self-critical, striving for a perfection that is unrealistic and unattainable. It pushes me to do more, be more, and somehow, it never seems to be enough.

Odd, isn’t it, that I choose to use this prompt to help break my silence, to help to begin to break down the walls that surround me.I have been hesitant to post this, doing my best to ignore my take on this challenge, rewriting and walking away. But I can’t move forward until I have completed this task. I can’t finish writing this story until I leave those pages behind me.

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30 thoughts on “The Book of My Life

    1. A little Rs. If you dialed back the years by 2, the time line would be more accurate. I believe we all have to discover who we want to be, often by being a person we don’t like being…if that makes sense? ☺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah it does make sense but in a weird way though what we are and what we want to be is always determined by our reasons and situations so in the end it’s Allah dynamic process and keeps changing . But yeah if our basic values and reasons are constant one can definitely be the person he or she wants to be 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I think the book of anyone’s life encompasses many things, awe, joy, innocence, sadness, sufferings, trials, love, compassion, kindness, gratitude, strength, hope and many more emotions depending on the time and circumstances. If we share them, people will get to know us better, support, encourage and understand. Struggle will always be there, what is important is realization and the will to go on. I’m glad you find solace in your husbands arms and your family. We really are alike in so many ways…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I hope so Mlou. It sure feels like I am on the precipice of change. Remember when I admired your ability to share your story? There was a reason for that…thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it ☺

      Liked by 3 people

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