Hoar Frost Obsession

It has just been one of those weeks. I am feeling a little like the flies that are crawling out of the crevices of my house – slow, sluggish and dim-witted. My brain is covered in a dense fog that I can’t seem to shake. As such, I have been trying to sleep it off and relax a little bit more. I didn’t get a chance to post these pictures last week for The Weekly Photo Challenge: Seasons, but I will do so now, just so I can share with you an obsession of mine.

It all began with a drive.It appeared as though the land was dusted with diamonds, the way the hoar frost had created ice pellets that glittered in the snow. When we arrived at our destination I took these two pictures:

Perhaps this is just something that I took for granted – this accumulation of condensation on the trees in the winter time. Sometimes, I think, that without my camera lens, I wouldn’t be so inclined to investigate things a little more closely.

And sometimes it grows in the middle of nowhere…

 

Whatever the case, I am happy to have this hobby, as it always brings to light some of the intricate beauty that is around me.

Happy Sunday everyone. Enjoy the rest of the weekend.:)

 

Finding Harmony

I am very fond of procrastinating. In fact, I am doing it right now. What I should be doing is re-organizing my monthly bills, sorting out the paperwork, filing it away. Instead, the envelopes sit in a folder beside me. Some of them haven’t even been opened yet. The edges protruding out of the file, peeking at me, making me feel guilty for taking this time to write this post. Horrible.

I guess you can call me a procrastinator, but I don’t feel like that would be an adequate description of my current state. You can only procrastinate doing things for so long before it turns into complete and utter avoidance. And, with that avoidance, comes a vast amount of guilt. I am finding it quite paralyzing at the moment. I am trying to suppress it, trying to ignore it, but I can feel it’s presence. It is in the way I hold my jaw, fighting the urge to clench my teeth. It is in my chest, a heaviness I cannot seem to lift. My shoulders – they are slouched and have rotated forward in an attempt to protect my soul from this emotion. None of these defenses are effective.

I can trace back the origin of my avoidance to eight months ago when I received a lovely gift – a ukulele for Christmas. I became engrossed, obsessive like I usually am with a new muse. I spent hours with that tool. I was determined to learn and I was somewhat successful. From there, I delved into reading novels. I would finish a book within an evening, often staying up to four a.m. to do so. I was eager to escape my surroundings. My most recent technique? This blog, specifically this post.

You see, I am a Libra, and my symbol is a scale. Everything is supposed to be balanced, but for me, it rarely is. I swing from one extreme to the next. I make deals with myself “If I can accomplish this, then I can take time to enjoy this.” Do you know what this means? That I have rarely took time to enjoy anything! All of those little wishes were pushed to the back of my mind and were replaced by my to-do-lists. And, you know what? All work and no play made me quite grumpy. So I swung the scales in the other direction. I burnt those lists (literally) and began to enjoy everything. Now I am at the other end of the extreme, feeling incredibly selfish and horribly guilty about it all.

Sigh. The scales are tipping once again. I can feel them evening out for the sake of my own sanity. I am grateful for them, for the guilt they will alleviate, the tasks that they will force me to accomplish, and the balance that they will bring me.🍻  Here’s to finding some harmony.

 

 

My Overzealous Nature

If you are an obsessive freak like I can be, this whole blogosphere has really thrown a curveball into things. I am a fanatic now, rabidly drooling over posts my mind screaming “MOREMOREMORE!” I used to curl up with a book at night. Now I am seeking, searching, clicking links, learning, questioning, agreeing and grateful for those who wish to hit publish. I used to go to sleep at midnight carefully placing a piece of ribbon onto the page in the novel that I was reading. Now it is one a.m. and I am pacing; reading and pacing on my smartphone. My mind screams “JUST ONE MORE! JUST ONE MORE!” Yesterday it was three a.m. when I shut my eyes.

I have NO willpower.

Friday I was at work and it was uncharacteristically quiet. The boss was away….My mind kept on trying to figure out a way to peruse sites and work at the same time. Perhaps I could do some filing. Perhaps there is some other half mindless things I can do while I sneak glances at my phone. Perhaps I should leave my phone in my vehicle so I do not even entertain these thoughts. I managed to make a deal with myself and only read a few posts during my lunch hour.

Temptation builds in me. It starts out small and miniscule, just the breath of an idea. Each murmur of it stacks upon the other, piling on top of itself, growing its need. Need neED NEED MORE! Need to read, need to write. Need this sustenance I have only just discovered. How have I lived without it? I do not question it. I am blinded by its voracity, consumed by its existence. I try to stifle it, try to ignore it but it always there, whispering and then screaming “FEED ME!” I allot time for it. I will feed you after lunch, a little after supper and after I put my wee one to bed. Do not worry, my obsession, you will not starve. I cannot ignore your shrieking pleas.

So what is one to do when faced with such an intense craving? Well, write about it of course! Feed the beast and in turn, its fire, its intensity, will feed you. It will inspire you to spill out sentences to satiate its desires and release the energy of its demands from within you.

Thanks for listening to this one.