Needing Wind

Sigh. This has just been one of those years… We started it off with the best of intentions and were thwarted by things (mostly) out of our control. I can tell you that I have felt like a miner with a dull spoon, scraping away at the same rock with little results, waiting for for that piece of gold to fall to my feet. I can also tell you that I have lost my enthusiasm along the way.

This last week, we have had to reassess our situation here and contemplate which way is the best to go. It is never easy to let go of your dreams and admit defeat. It is not easy for us to make the call, load up all of our four legged critters and say goodbye. And the impact of our decision has left us feeling…well defeated.

We could use a little wind in our sails to help us push past these waters right now. Every night, as we lay on the couch and wrap our arms around each other, I can’t ignore the heaviness in our hearts, and it feels a little too much like empty comfort.

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52 thoughts on “Needing Wind”

  2. Kipling, beloved Rudyard said; If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two “Impostors” just the same.”
    Well, you know how the poem ends.
    But the point is that we, for the most part, are pathetic puppets. We dance to the music. We go up for the exhilarating and down for the downs.
    Both are impostors.
    Equanimity is the trick.
    Expend equal emotion on both those tricksters.
    Those in your house rely on you, hold a candle to you (yourself). Light the way, I know you can. Stand firm.
    Dance not to the music of the would be puppeteers.
    I have great faith in you lady.
    Much love; MAO

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      1. Thank you for the good wishes. And those thoughts were roughly hewn (quick) so I apologies for the rough and unknowing edges, but at least, though late, I endeavored to answer the call.

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        1. No need to apologize, ever, with me Miguel. Ever. There is no need for that with me. I will accept you for what you are. And the way you perceived your words was not the way I perceived them. I did not find them rough, I found them uplifting.

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    1. I do not how my replies show up for you but thanks for the chat today. Your concern means a lot to to me Georgie. Make sure to give a big squeezy hug to all of the kids. Happy Thanksgiving. Lots of love to you all ☺

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  6. I’m so sorry it’s been a defeating year for you. I’m thinking about you, Kelly, and the only way to go when you’re at the bottom is up, so keep an eye out for that light!! I hope things start to get better. *Hugs*

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  8. Thanks for sharing this personal account.

    I don’t know how your journey of life has been so far and whether you are on any kind of spiritual path. But from the title of your blog ( it’s about honesty and the inner voice) I conclude that you are on some kind of journey to give your inner honest voice more space. That sounds like a spiritual journey.

    On this journey to our inner honest voice, there is a period where the former false persona msut be let go of. That hurts and feels like defeat, especially if this former persona had only the best intentions.

    I wrote about this in my Dark Night of The Soul blog post. The trajectory of the universe is to make us recognize the true inner voice and guide us home. And in order to achieve that, life sometimes purposefully deconstructs our former sense of self.

    And that does not feel awesome at all. Once the anger about the deconstruction of the former sense of self is gone, it feels more like flatness and depression. Like nothing matters. Like “what is the point of all this?” . Like “What is my purpose in life anyway if I cannot be my former self with the very best of intentions anymore?”

    This is not a place to stay. It is a place to pass through. Just like we may have to pass through a desert to drive from A to B.

    Hang in there. Your cup is being emptied. Then it can be filled again.

    Best wishes for your journey,
    Karin

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    1. Your post gave me some insight into just that Karin. Sorry I couldn’t post my comment there (it seems to not appear until after I follow). After reading, and re-reading ‘The Phases of the Journey’ I began to realize a few things. And your comment here has just solidified my thoughts. Mainly, it is time for a change! It has not been the first metamorphosis, and I am sure it won’t be the last. But I feel there is a direction that my soul needs to take. And yes, it is attached to something, not material, physical and spiritual (I hope). So thank you for writing that post. I look forward to following you on your journey and will be sure to peruse your site more later today. ☺

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      1. Thanks for your reply. I am glad to hear that my post resonated with you.

        Regarding not being able to comment on my blog, I have checked my ‘pending’ and ‘spam’ folder of comments. There is no comment in there.
        Anyone can comment on my blog, even if they are not following. So, in case you wrote a comment, I’m sorry but I don’t know where it has gone.

        I am looking forward to your posts about your journey.

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          1. Well, I finally got sick because of all the lack of sleep, so now my sleep is a bit better because my body just shut right down. It’s just a bad head cold with a bit of a cough, so I am all Tylenoled up and sleeping with my arm curled around a box of tissues. Lots of waking up to blow my nose and honk and snort, but then back into sleep. So yay for being sick, haha! Thank you for asking. 🙂

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    1. Thank you SOB. And I do know. I think I may have even made a comment last year at how quiet our lives were 😉 Just gotta ride it out, it isn’t our first and won’t be our last, just had to get it out of my system. Thanks for reading/listening/being here, it means a lot ☺

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